Dear Me

Oh, 15 year old me.

It doesn't matter how cool or uncool it is to be with your family. They are your family. Put your phone down and enjoy them

Also, don't be ashamed when your parents call you every half hour when you're at the mall without an adult for the first time. They love you.

Listen to your parents. They're usually right. Obey them, too. They have your best interest in mind.

I know there is so much that hurts. I know you feel so lonely. I know it seems like you've been shunned and isolated from everyone you thought was your friend, but I swear they weren't your friends. I know it hurts to give those people up, but give them up.

Take notice of the ones who stuck around, though. They are your friends.

That person who "took your place" doesn't matter. Stop hating her. She's actually a very nice person.

It will have 0 bearing on your life in 5 years whether you have a best friend or not. You will make friends everywhere, though some will only be there for a short season and others will be there to answer the phone when you call even if you haven't talked in three months and others you will only see a couple times a year but they will be the best days of the year.

You don't have to be like other people for them to like you, but it is okay to like the same things as other people too.

Like what you like, though. Don't let other people determine that for you.

You don't have to be extroverted to be likable.  You don't have to be loud to be likable. You don't have to be any specific way to be likable. You do not have the responsibility to impress anyone.

It's okay that you don't look like her or talk like her or have the same things as she has. You're still amazing.

Don't stop caring about things. 

Don't stop liking things.  

Don't let them make you afraid.

Don't let the "leaders" in your life tell you something that contradicts what God is telling you, or what your parents are telling you. Just because someone is in a position of authority doesn't necessarily make them an authority over your life if you know in your heart they aren't doing anything beneficial for you.

It is not your fault. 

You will get over this.

You will meet a boy who truly and honestly cares about you, even in the little things. He will like every aspect of your personality and will not expect you to conform to his expectations. He will not expect you to have the same music taste or to fit into a certain stereotype or anything like that. He will encourage you more than he teases you. . He will remind you that your world did not end and he will make you feel like you can do anything. Being with him will be a bigger adventure than you can dream. Don't keep worrying about that boy, though. Just be patient. He'll come when you're not looking.

Your perspective will change. Your views on pretty much everything will change and that's okay. Embrace it. Wrestle with your thoughts and take your time with coming to solid conclusions. It's okay to wonder, to be confused, to misunderstand, to make mistakes. It's okay to question and work to figure things out. Never be afraid to change your mind. 

Your world will not end. Your world will not end. Your world will not end, I swear.

My Farewell to Parks and Recreation

"I’d like the show to be remembered as a classic character-driven comedy that week to week made you laugh, made you feel something, everything felt very earned, and you cared about the people. You cared about the characters you saw and every season surprised you."

Amy Poehler on how she would like Parks to be remembered 

Parks and Recreation has its final finale tonight and I am so sad about it.  I can say with so much certainty that Parks and Recreation has been a very wonderful part of my life for a while.
This is my thank you letter and farewell.

To Leslie Knope: Thank you for showing me that it is so okay to be excited over things. You have been passionate about everything you do and you remind me that as long as I am passionate about what I am doing, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.Thank you for being way more organized than me and over planning everything. That makes me feel like less of a crazy person. Thank you for loving so fully and completely.

To Ron Swanson: Thank you for showing me that it is also okay to be not excited about things. Just because the rest of the world likes something doesn't mean you have to like it too. Thank you for being the kind of friend everyone secretly wants.

To Andy Dwyre: Thank you for reminding the world that it is 100% cool to be childlike and to love the little things. It is also okay to be whatever you want to be and be as weird as you want to be. Thank you for loving April and being super awesome. Also, Mouse Rat. Thank you for Mouse Rat.

To April Ludgate-Dwyre: Thank you for your endless sarcasm. Your dark wit and humor and weird interests are amusing and wonderful. I loved watching your character change and develop over the seasons. You've taught me that even though being an adult sucks sometimes, there is always a way to make life more interesting.

To Tom Haverford: Thank you for following your dreams even though everyone else thought they were dumb and that you wouldn't succeed. Even though you did fail multiple times, you kept going and did awesome things. You kept on trying and eventually you succeeded. Thank you for your many nicknames of food that caused me probably about an hour of laughter.And finally, thank you for your excited face.

To Jerry/Larry/Terry/Gary/Barry Gergich: Thank you for continuing to be yourself even though the rest of the office didn't like you. Also, thanks for having a fart attack. Definitely one of the best moments of the show. You were always a good sport and I'm glad you stuck around and became mayor of Pawnee.

To Ben Wyatt: Thank you for being nerdy and funny. Thank you for your extremely confused looks at the camera when everyone was fangirling over Lil' Sebastian. Thank you for having nice hair and for wearing skinny ties. I'm glad that there is a character that is nerdy but not socially weird. You're an encouragement to nerdy people everywhere. 

To Ann Perkins: Thank you for your "ethnically ambiguous" presence. Thank you for showing us that you can learn from your mistakes and move on to much better things. Thank you for showing us what a best friend looks like. You received probably the best nicknames I've ever heard in my life ("Beautiful tropical fish"). I'm sure you're a great mom.

To Chris Traeger: Thank you for helping me see that I don't use literally nearly as often as I thought.

To Donna Meagle: Thank you for all you are. You never let anyone boss you around or make you different than you wanted to be. Thank you for your big eyes and sassy comebacks. Also, that time you sang Time After Time with Ann and April was pretty fantastic.

To Craig: Thank you for allowing me to see that I don't yell at people nearly enough. I will miss your loud presence.

Parks and Recreation has made me laugh and cry simultaneously. From Ben and Leslie falling in love and getting married, to Ann and Chris leaving to start a family, to Gary becoming Mayor of Pawnee, to Ron falling in love with a woman and her children and marrying her, to Tom always being himself and following his dreams. Every season has been just as interesting as the last and I have never been disappointed. I have loved every bit of Parks and Recreation. I am thankful that we are ending happily, but I am sad to see this gem of a television show end.

Thank you, Parks and Recreation, for being the best. You will be missed.

New Things

I have attempted to blog before, and I have failed each time. This is my second attempt with blogger. I'm several years older than I was during my first attempt here, which must count for something, and there are less distractions here than there are on other blog sites.

This is my new attempt at keeping up with a blog. Writing has always been an outlet for me and, in some ways, an encouragement.  It keeps me accountable in some small way as well. Looking back over old journals and even old blog posts has reminded me how far I have come and how far I still have to go. Someday I'll probably look back on this and think the same thing.

My life right now is constantly changing and moving. Things move at a much quicker pace when you become an adult. Keeping up with the pace is a full time job, but it's possible. Sometimes, though, you need to allow yourself time to sit and breathe, and I think that is why I have decided to start blogging again. Writing will help me remember to take just a moment to relax in the middle of an insane week. Writing in a public place (even if no one reads it for now) will help me to write more often. I have hardly any time to sit and breathe, and I am slightly afraid that I may abandon this new attempt to write more often, but I still have to try.  My heart and my mind need it.

I have called this blog "smallish things" because first, I am a smallish thing. I am less than five feet tall and I weigh less than 100 pounds. The biggest reason for that name, however, is because most of my joy comes from being thankful for the small things-- like the way the rain looks on the pavement, or the way someone laughs at a joke they thought was the best joke in the world, or the way children smile up at you with so much pride as they hand you a picture they drew for you. I hope to write about the smallish things that bring my heart joy.

If you are reading this first post, thank you. If you are reading this first post months after I first published it, still thank you. I hope my thoughts are encouraging or enlightening for you.